Family Matters
by Piger123
Summary: Emma loves Ruby. She loves her so much that most of the time she can't bear to look at it directly, for fear it will burn her up. She jokes with Ruby and insults her and hardly ever says the words because they're so completely inadequate for describing how she feels and somehow 'Whatever' conveys it so much better.
1. Chapter 1

This is going to be a story about Emma and Ruby's relationship. It is HEAVILY based on "Izunami" a hartbig fanfic. There is going to be a happy ending and a sad ending, so you may read the one you want it to end with. I am going to update it once a week, with pretty long chapters (this one is the shortest I think). Feel free to comment. I accept all reviews. Thank you. -Piger123

Chapter 1

Emma loves Ruby. She loves her so much that most of the time she can't bear to look at it directly, for fear it will burn her up. She jokes with Ruby and insults her and hardly ever says the words because they're so completely inadequate for describing how she feels and somehow 'Whatever' conveys it so much better.

There are times though, when they lie together in the middle of the night, sweating and sated and tangled up in each other like a Gordian knot, that Emma stops joking, looks Ruby in the eye and tells her. Those are the nights she drops all her defenses and lets Ruby see her heart, and the vulnerability of it is both terrifying and addictive. Emma knows if she didn't need Ruby so much, she'd run, but the thought of being without Ruby scares her way more than the thought of Ruby hurting her.

Ruby loves her back. No, that isn't right. Ruby _worships_ her. Emma catches her sometimes, in unguarded moments, staring at Emma with the goofiest look of absolute awe and devotion, as though she still can't believe that she's allowed to be in Emma's presence. Ruby has no problem with 'I love you' and tells her at least six times a day and Emma smiles every time.

It's probably not healthy, their devotion to each other, but neither of them care. They have each other and Emma is so determined to make sure that never changes that she spends a _ridiculous _amount of money on a ring, gets down on one knee and gives a long, rambling, tearful speech that in the end boils down to begging Ruby never to leave her. By the end Ruby is on the floor with her, hands covering her mouth and tears of joy sliding down her face, and when Emma slides the ring onto her finger, Ruby breaks down into full blown sobbing only moments before Emma does. It's the weirdest sex they've ever had, including the time with the Dutch sex toy Hook bought them as a joke. They lie together afterwards, exhausted and tear-streaked, and laugh like idiots at how dramatic they managed to make something that was such a foregone conclusion that Hook and Robin were running a pool on how long it would take.

Ruby outs them in her first shift at "Granny's" after Emma proposes. Emma watches as everybody looks at Ruby's shimmering smile and then at the ring. All of them questioning if it was a joke.

"I love you!" Ruby murmers as she passed Emma while waiting tables, pulling the cork on a champagne bottle for Mr. and Mrs. Gold. The diamond on her finger sparkles and Ruby's grin could probably light a small house fire. There are the usual jokes and men eyeing her, and then, just to make it painfully obvious to the terminally unobservant among her viewers, Ruby carefully removes the ring, kisses it and loops in onto a silver chain around her neck before plunging her hands into whatever culinary disaster she's attempting to fix up at Granny's this week. The staring proceeds as normal and Emma can just _feel _the people of Storybrook screaming in their minds for Ruby to tell them who gave her the ring.

After the 'cooking' is finished, Ruby washes her hands, dries them and slides the ring off it's chain and back onto her finger and flashes another heart-stopping smile at the now-crowded diner.

"Real talk, guys," she whispers to Hook and Robin, happily and messily, "It's not a prank. I'm getting married."


	2. Chapter 2

Ten months out from the wedding, Ruby's lease finally expires. Most of her stuff has been at Emma's house for months and paying rent on an apartment she barely uses has been a pain in the ass. She and Emma load the last of her things onto the U-Haul and look at Ruby's now ex-front door.

"This was the first place I ever had that was just mine. I earned it, you know?" Ruby's voice wobbles a little and Emma pretends not to notice. She wraps her arm around Ruby's shoulders and squeezes once, briefly.

"You really did," She agrees.

Ruby sniffles quietly. "Bye, house." She lifts one hand in farewell and climbs into the truck.

Emma gets in the other side and grabs Ruby's keys, the red crystal wolf dangling down, from the dashboard. Trying not to let Ruby see, she removes the key to her own house – their house, now – that's Ruby's had for months. She slips it into her pocket and smiles innocently at Ruby as they drive back.

Ruby parks the truck and Emma tosses her keys over and busies herself pretending to tie her shoelace as Ruby goes to the door. She sees Ruby search for the key and jumps out.

"Babe, where's my key?" Ruby asks, sounding tired.

Emma smiles. "I thought we should do this right," she answers, "since it's official now." She presents the key, now with a blood red ribbon, matching the wolf, tied through it in a bow.

"Welcome home, Ruby Lucas."

Ruby stares at the key and then at her; Her eyes well up a little. Emma knows that Ruby likes to mark big events and they hadn't really been able to do that up to now. Ruby hadn't officially moved in, she'd just kind of migrated over in some kind of domestic osmosis, but this is a milestone Emma can make a fuss over. Ruby reaches out to take the key and slips it into her pocket, looking at Emma with that expression that is just _hers_; that only she can put on Ruby's face. Ruby's arms go around her waist and she leans up to kiss Emma.

"You are amazing," Ruby whispers against her lips, "How did you know I needed that?"

"I love you," Emma replies. Ruby smiles and kisses her again.

It takes until almost midnight to finish bringing the last of the stuff in from the truck. Ruby moves the truck off the road and Emma makes a pot of green tea. She's developed a grudging tolerance for the stuff since starting to date Ruby and she'd never admit it, but it does sound appealing after a long day. Ruby comes in through the back door and takes her mug gratefully. They sit together in warm silence, broken only by the faint sound of Goose's panting from the other room.

"Hey Emma," Ruby says finally.

"Mmm?"

"We live together."

Emma smiles. "We do."

"We're getting married," Ruby says, sounding faintly awed.

"We are," Emma confirms, rubbing her finger over the clean cut ruby on Ruby's engagement ring. She's never been more proud of anything she's done than that ring, even though it was only for irony.

"I didn't know a person could be so happy," Ruby whispers gutturally. Feeling the effect she has on Emma, as she crashes their lips together forcefully, pushing her against one of the new walls, of their new house.


	3. Chapter 3

They try and keep their work separate most of the time, despite living together. Emma's teasing sometimes makes Ruby laugh a little too loudly at work, and Ruby occasionally wanders into the police office, during the period of time that Emma is in her office there. Three months before the wedding Emma and Ruby go for a walk by the beach, holding hands, and, unknowingly to them, were spotted by Grumpy. Knowing him, the news flew around the town so quick, it seemed everybody knew except them. "Holy shit, dude," Ruby commented, "I didn't even see him!"

Emma laughs.

"Hey Granny, this week I have a very special guest to help with the cookies, who's possibly even worse at cooking than I am!"

Granny just shook her head at the two lovebirds, and walked out of the kitchen, passing Ruby who looked like she had dragged Emma out of bed to the diner.

Emma clamps down on the urge to smile at her beautiful fiancé.

"How dare you?" Emma smirked, trying to sound angry

"Sorry babe," Ruby grins, "It's true!"

Emma turns and looks at Ruby straight in her eyes, lips turned down.

"I want a divorce."

Ruby snorts. "We're not married yet!"

Emma frowns harder.

"Then I want a prenup."

And they're off.

They cook for almost two hours and by the end they've pretty much forgotten about the cookies. Emma is covered in flour from an impromptu food-fight and Ruby has chocolate smeared on her neck and shirt and a white, floury handprint on her ass. She pulls what was supposed to be chocolate chip cookies from the oven and puts them on the counter. They both lean over to inspect the result. The 'cookies' are basically lumps of charcoal. There's a pause, then they glance at each other and howl with laughter.

"You are so bad at this!" Emma tells Ruby, who clutches her chest in mock scandal.

"You're the one who didn't set the timer!" Ruby accuses.

Ruby rubs her face with the back of her hand, smearing yet more chocolate across it. Emma laughs even harder.

"You idiot," she says fondly, "Come here." She wipes at the chocolate with her finger and offers it to Ruby, who instinctively licks it.

Emma is a little fuzzy on what happens after that but somehow she has Ruby pinned against the counter, breathing hard as Emma sucks the chocolate from her throat.

"Emma, the diner," Ruby gasps.

"Shut up," Emma says, and kisses her…

She hadn't realized it until she overheard Cruella de Vil telling Aladdin about how often she reaches out to touch Ruby, or kisses her on the head in passing, or just how goofy she looks when Ruby does something cute. She's in love, and it shows.

It's three weeks until the wedding and Emma is a little surprised that neither of them have freaked out yet. Granny and Snow basically hijacked the whole thing so that the two of them, usually, just had to pick from a short list of five or six venues or caterers or whatever and now everything is booked and ordered and ready and Emma had expected to be having a nervous breakdown at this point. Instead, she's mostly impatient. She can't wait to be married to Ruby. What she is nervous about, though, is the bachelorette party tonight. Ruby insists on referring to it as a 'stag night', and Emma had tuned out halfway through the explanation why. Something about deer and British chickens?

Hook and Robin had planned the whole thing and promised it would outdo even Hook's birthday weekend. Emma and Ruby were forbidden from asking questions so when the limo draws up to take them to the party, they're holding hands out of nervousness more than affection.

"How bad can it be?" Ruby asks, laughing nervously.

Emma looks at her. "_Crossbows,_ Ruby."

Ruby's eyes widen comically.

"If we don't survive this," she says with exaggerated sincerity, "just know that I love you."

What happens at the party, stays at the party. They agree never to speak of it again, especially the part with the pool table. Emma just hopes she stops limping in time for her wedding.

The last three weeks seem to somehow both drag on forever and go by in an instant, but eventually, Emma is standing in a hotel room in a gorgeous white dress as her mom fusses around her and tries not to cry. Hook is with Ruby, Granny and Emma's son, Henry is downstairs doing his groomsman thing. Emma feels like she's at the eye of a huge storm and she really wants to just find Ruby and hold on to her for a while. Her phone beeps and Ruby's name pops up on the screen.

_You ready?_

She smiles.

_Race you to the altar_

The response comes back straight away.

_We're in a hotel, Emma. There is no altar._

_Bite me_

_That's what the honeymoon full-moon is for._

And just like that, it's time.

She walks down the aisle and all she can see is Ruby. She reaches the end and Ruby takes her hands and holds tight, beaming at her. She vaguely registers the music fade away and the guests take their seats but Ruby is filling up the whole world and Emma doesn't even hear the opening of the ceremony. Ruby is biting her lip in an effort not to cry and Emma has a lump in her throat the size of a baseball. They just stare at each other, letting the ceremony wash over them and drinking each other in until finally they deliver the wedding vows. Ruby goes first and has to clear her throat three times before she can speak. Emma somehow manages not to cry as she recites the words. Up until this moment she'd always found them a little trite, cliché even, but she's never felt more sincere than she does right now.

"And now," the priest says once she finishes, "Ruby and Emma have decided to add to the traditional wedding vows with their own promises." He nods to Ruby.

"Emma," Ruby says, voice shaking, "I promise to always be honest with you. I promise to respect you. I promise to tell you how much I love you every day. I promise to keep ice cream in the house at all times," Emma lets out a choked laugh at that, "and I promise to stand beside you, no matter what, forever."

Tears stream down Emma's cheeks and she shakes her head helplessly. There's no way she's going to manage the speech she has prepared without breaking down, so she goes for the essentials.

"Everything," she choked, and continued her promises, "always."

And then her wife is kissing her and the crowd goes wild.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, I am so sorry I have not posted ****anything in a while. I got diagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolapse, so I was having a rough time with that. Also, I detached a ligament in my thumb, with pulled off a piece of my bone. It has been a rough few months, but now I am prepared to finish this story. I will try to update 3-4 times a week. The story is going to be about 13,000 words and eight chapters. Sorry about the wait! -Piger123**

The honeymoon is amazing. They spend a week on the beach and Emma refuses to let Ruby wear anything any bigger than her bikini the whole time. They drink cocktails and order room service and make love and on the last night before they go back to Storybrook. They sit on the balcony of their hotel room, wrapped together in a quilt and watch the sun come up over the sea.

"See that, Emma?" Ruby says sleepily, gesturing to the sunrise. Emma knows they'll probably regret staying awake all night by the time they hit the airport, but right now she's too happy to care.

"I see it," she says.

"Every day that happens is a day I will love you."

Emma smiles, a lonely tear sliding down her rosy cheek.

"That was…the cheesiest thing you've said all week!" She laughs and Ruby shoves her playfully.

"Oh, screw you, Emma, that was some quality romance!"

Emma laughs helplessly.

"You do better then!" Ruby challenges.

Emma smirks at her, before staring into her eyes with mock sincerity.

"Ruby Lucas," she intones as a dopey smile spreads over Ruby's face, "I love you so much, I let you wolf-up in the house, even though it takes weeks to get the shedding off the furniture."

Ruby holds out for a few seconds before they both crack up.

"Okay, you win," Ruby concedes.

Henry meets them at the airport and hugs them so hard Emma swears her ribs creak.

"Jesus, Henry, it's only been a week!" Emma says.

"I missed you guys!" Henry mumbles into her shoulder.

The three of them drive over to the house and Ruby starts unloading laundry as Emma says hello to Snow and David.

"Hey Emma, when do you start at the police station again?" Henry asks.

"Day after tomorrow, why?"

"Are you guys free to have a family dinner tomorrow then?"

"…Sure Henry," Emma replies questioningly, while Ruby nods.

"Great," Henry says. "I'll be-" he gets interrupted.

Emma's mind catches up to her slowly, and then replies, "Wait. I, um…is-a-uh, is Regina going to be at this _family_ dinner. Because I haven't exactly seen her since I-uh, since I told you guys about Ruby and my relationship…"

"Of course she is!" Henry responded, not realizing his mother was uncomfortable. " Regina and I will be here around two. Make sure you have clothes on!"

Emma looked startled at that last comment, and swatted his head, still giggling.

They say their goodbyes when Henry leaves to go back to Regina's house (they split the months), and Ruby and Emma are left alone. Ruby comes to sit by her, smiling. Ruby smiles and leans down to oblige for a moment, before leaning back into Emma's arms.

"Hey wifey," Ruby murmurs, "we're home."

"We are," Emma agrees. "Married and everything."

"Should we take up crochet before or after the hip replacements?"

"Actually, I prefer bridge to crochet."

Regina sat down, awkwardly, onto the wooden chairs surrounding the small, matching, wooden table. On either side of her is Ruby and Emma, with Henry facing towards her. The dinner went on for about fifteen minutes in silence, until Regina broke it with a question focused towards Emma.

"How are you gay?"

"Um-What?" Emma replies startled, nearly choking on her now-cold apple dumpling.

"You have stunning men pining for your attention, and yet you go with your mothers' slutty best friend-_no offense,_" Regina chimes, confusion etched across her sneering face.

"None Taken." Ruby adds into the conversation, with a little more sass than even Emma was used to.

Henry stood up and yelled, "GUYS!" which got all of their attention, and continued, "Can we _not_ argue, for once." The rest of the dinner was in dead silence, besides the occasional scraping of forks on plates, and the slurping of water (mostly done by Henry and Ruby).

Emma thought that being married made her feel grounded somehow, like her life had a solid foundation… until breakfast, about six months after their wedding.

They're having breakfast together one morning when Ruby decides to blow a major question out of the water.

"Hey Emma?" She asks, sounding a little nervous.

"Yeah?"

"Do you, um…do you want to start thinking about kids?"

Emma freezes, holding a spoon filled with milk and Lucky Charms halfway to her mouth, and looks at Ruby, who looks back at her with hopeful, trusting eyes.

"Just so I'm clear about this conversation from the start," Emma says slowly, putting the spoon back in the bowl, "You're talking about us having kids? Me being a parent again? Not like it was easy the first time."

"Yeah," Ruby confirms.

"Okay. Give me a second here."

Ruby falls silent. Emma can see her trying not to fidget.

"We've been married less than a year," Emma says, keeping her tone neutral.

"I know, I'm not saying _now_, I just think if we start talking about it now then when we're both ready we'll have a head start.

_When we're_ **_both_** _ready._ "Are you ready now, Ruby?"

Her eyes drop and that's all the answer Emma needs.

"You want kids," Emma says slowly, "and you're ready to have them."

"Um, yeah. So I thought we should talk about it."

Emma doesn't want to talk about it. She doesn't want Ruby to know about the panic rising inside her at the thought, making her nauseous and a little dizzy. She doesn't want to say that her gut response is a very emphatic 'no'. She doesn't want to see the joy fade out of Ruby's eyes, not yet, so she takes a deep breath.

"Okay, let's talk about it."

Ruby smiles brightly.

"Okay, so obviously, I want kids at some point. What are your thoughts?" She asks.

Emmas' heart is pounding. She knows this is a conversation that requires nothing less than honesty but she also knows Ruby's not going to like her answer. She stalls.

"Right now my thoughts are mostly panic, Ruby. You kind of sprung this on me. Besides, I already have Henry. One kid has gotten me into so many things, and taken so much time to finally get him to high school."

Ruby smiles sheepishly and reaches out to take Emma's hand.

"I know. Don't worry babe, I don't expect us to work everything out today. I just wanted to float the idea, that's all."

Emma feels the anxiety recede a little at that. Ruby's hand is warm in hers and she focuses on that, trying to anchor herself.

"Okay, so. Wow. You want to have kids with me. Okay."

Ruby laughs a little.

"Emma, take a breath. Use your words."

"I don't want to be pregnant again," Emma blurts. Ruby absorbs that for a second and then smiles at her.

"That works out then. I kind of do."

Emma takes another deep breath. She's half annoyed that Ruby is finding her panic cute but at the same time grateful that Ruby understands her well enough to give her space to flip her shit.

"Ruby, do you really think I'm cut out to be somebody's _mom, again? I never even raised a kid up till ten…"_

Ruby's eyes change then, as she looks at Emma. Her face fills with such love and joy that Emma can barely look at her.

"Emma, I think you'll be an amazing mom." Ruby says reverently and Emma can hear the steady faith in her voice. She wonders what Ruby would do if she just yelled "AFRICA!" and bolted out of the house, and realizes that maybe she's becoming hysterical. She gestures pointlessly, trying to release some of the nervous tension inside her.

"I think I'm freaking out too much for this conversation right now, Ruby," she says finally, "can we talk about it later? Maybe with hard liquor?"

Ruby laughs easily. "Sure, babe. Take all the time you need."

She leans over and kisses Emma on the cheek and then goes back to her breakfast like she hasn't just turned Emma's entire world upside down.


	5. Chapter 5

They sit down together that evening to talk and Emma really wants to get drunk. Instead she contents herself with a single glass of wine and fidgets with her wedding ring. She's trying not to let Ruby see the effect this whole thing is having on her, but Ruby knows her too well for that. She kneels on the floor in front of Emma and takes her hands, stilling them.

"Emma, relax."

"I'm not ready for more kids, Ruby!"

Emma didn't mean to say that this soon and she definitely didn't mean to yell it. She decides to blame the wine.

"That's okay," Ruby soothes. Emma really doesn't understand how she can be so calm about this.

"It's okay to be scared," Ruby says.

"You're not scared," Emma grumbles as Ruby rubs her arms slowly.

"Of course I'm scared, but both of us freaking out doesn't help anyone."

Emma looks at her in surprise.

"Babe, I feel like an irresponsible kid most days. It still blows my mind that we're married; that I'm an adult with a wife and a house and a step-teenage son. The idea of being an actual mom is _crazy _to me, you know? But you and me, we're solid. We're forever. We can do this, Emma. And when you're ready, it would be my absolute privilege to have a baby with you."

"What if I'm never ready?" Shit. The wine was definitely not a good idea. Ruby pauses for a moment as though unsure of her meaning, so she clarifies.

"What if I never want more kids, Ruby?"

Devastation flashes across Ruby's face for a split second. It's fast, but it's real and Emma feels like she was just kicked in the chest, hard. Ruby keeps the same reassuring tone as she replies.

"Then we'll get a lot of dogs, make a pack" she jokes. Emma laughs weakly, wondering if she'll ever be able to stop seeing that look on Ruby's face.

Ruby leans forward and kisses her and Emma kisses back urgently. She wonders, if she keeps kissing Ruby long enough, whether she'll stop feeling like she's betrayed the most important thing in her life.

Ruby pulls away from her.

"Okay babe, you know where I stand. If you start feeling like you're ready or like you want to talk about it some more, let me know, okay?"

"Okay," Emma promises, feeling guilty and relieved all at once.

She thought that would be the end of it. She thought their lives would go back to normal and it wouldn't come up again unless something changed.

She thought wrong.

Ruby isn't just ready to have kids - she _wants_ to have them. Ever since they talked she's noticed the longing on Ruby's face whenever they walk past baby clothes in a store or moms pushing strollers in the park. She's seen Ruby smoking again, something she only ever did to relieve frustration. She tries not to think about it for fear the guilt will overwhelm her, until the day she wakes up early and overhears Ruby on the phone to Hook.

Ruby is making breakfast with her back to the bedroom door and the phone is on speaker, propped against the microwave. Emma is about to call out a good morning when she hears Hook's voice.

"Have you talked about it?" Hook says.

"Yeah, she's not ready." Ruby replies and there's bitterness in her tone. Emma freezes.

"And let me guess, instead of telling her how you really feel, you pretended it was no big deal and backed off?"

"She's not ready, Hook! I'm not going to push her!"

"She's not ready or she just doesn't want more children?"

Ruby freezes for a moment.

"I was at the wedding, Ruby, and I'm pretty sure you promised your wife you'd always be honest with her. You guys need to talk about this properly."

Ruby's shoulders slump. Emma pushes the bedroom door further closed, just in case she turns round, and peers through the crack that's left.

Ruby runs her hand through her hair.

"I know," she says, sounding defeated, "but what if you're right? What if she never wants to be a mom with me?"

There's a long silence.

"Then you have to decide which you want more, Ruby," Hook says finally, "Emma or children."

Emma has heard enough. She retreats silently to the bed and then stomps back to the door and wanders out, feigning sleepiness. Ruby's phone is nowhere to be seen and she smiles brightly at Emma, holding out a mug of coffee.

"Good morning, beautiful," Ruby says, smiling. She doesn't mention the call.

Emma knows Ruby will pick her. She doesn't doubt that for a second. Ruby's love for her is probably the only thing in the world she has absolute faith in, so that isn't the problem.

The problem is that being with Emma means Ruby can't have something she badly wants and now Emma feels like writhing in the fucking dirt from sheer guilt.

The enormity of it is paralyzing, and for three weeks after the phone call she wrestles with her conscience, but eventually it boils down to a simple choice.

Have kids and Emma's whole world will change into something she doesn't particularly want, or don't have kids and Ruby will be heartbroken, forever.

It gets real simple after that.

Emma makes them pancakes for breakfast. Ruby reads the paper as she eats and Emma's mind supplies her with an image of a brunette toddler, sitting on Ruby's knee, stealing bites from her plate. Her heart thunders in her chest at the thought, but she's made her choice and she's sticking with it. She takes a deep breath.

"Hey Ruby?"

"Mmmm?"

"I'm ready."

"For what?" Ruby asks absently.

"For a baby."

Ruby head shoots up and she stares at Emma, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Her face lights up into a heart-melting smile and Emma fixes the sight of it in her memory. This is why she's doing this. This is what matters.

"Are you sure?" Ruby asks, and Emma smiles at her, hoping her uncertainty doesn't show.

"I am," she says steadily, but inside, her mind is reeling.

Ruby jumps out of her chair and showers Emma with kisses. Emma kisses her back, trying to lose herself in the moment, trying to quiet the lingering unease she feels.

"I love you," Ruby says as she pulls her toward the bedroom, "I love you so fucking much."

They lie together afterwards and when Ruby rolls over and kisses her bare shoulder Emma shoves her misgivings and her fears into the back of her mind and resolves to embrace the decision she's made. She's always known she'd do anything for Ruby; now it's time to put her money where her mouth is and actually participate in this.

"So how do we do this?" Emma asks. "A sperm bank or what?"

"Um, actually," Ruby says hesitantly, "Regina already kind of volunteered."

"What?!" Emma yells, instinctively covering herself at the mention of her step-grandmother.

"Yeah," Ruby says, blushing, "she pulled me aside at the wedding reception and offered her, uh, magical services."

"That's…Ruby, that's fucking weird."

"Yeah, that's what she said, too. It was the most awkward conversation I've ever had in my life."

"You want to have a baby with my step-grandmother?" Emma asks incredulously, already wondering if it's too late to back out. Ruby wrinkles her nose.

"No, Emma, I want to have a baby with _you. _Can you imagine how cute a kid with Lucas and Swan genes will be? But unless you're packing something I haven't seen yet, the only way to get the Swan half of this particular recipe is to let Regina help out."

"Ruby, there's no way… I'm not going to… even be in the same room as Regina!"

"Babe, will you relax?"

Emma eyes her. "You're doing it again, aren't you? Being all calm so I can freak out?"

Ruby bites her lip. "Maybe a little."

"Ruby, this time I really need you to freak out with me!"

Ruby sags in relief and her whole body shudders.

"Thank God. It's so weird, Emma! I don't want to think about Regina knocking me up!"

They look at each other for a moment before Ruby buries her face in the pillow and Emma finally laughs, a little hysterically.

"Let's not do that, then," she says. Ruby turns to look at her.

"The thing is though," Ruby says hesitantly, "it… okay, it's weird as hell to think about and at first I was like 'just, no!', but if we did it this way, our kid could maybe, I dunno, have your eyes, Emma. How amazing would that be?"

Emma feels like her brain is shutting down.

"This is _our_ baby, Emma. And if it has Swan genes, it'll look like you as well as me. I dunno, I just think maybe, you know, a little weird grossness at the beginning might be worth it. It's going to be weird and gross for me no matter what, maybe this will be better."

And so later that week Emma finds herself having possibly the strangest conversation of her life with Regina and Ruby. Emma and Regina don't look at each other, instead speaking only to Ruby, and Emma makes it clear that in no way, shape or form will she be present during the whole magical-insemination thing. Ruby agrees, looking a little like she wishes she didn't have to be there either, and Emma has to suppress a momentary hope that Ruby will rethink the whole baby idea.

They find a doctor and Ruby starts taking prenatal supplements and before she knows what's happening, she's dropping Ruby off at the mayors office and waving awkwardly at Regina before driving the hell away and trying not to think about what's happening inside. She sits in a coffee shop nearby and tries not to hyperventilate. It's all suddenly very real, and Emma really wants to call Hook and tell him everything, but she can't. Firstly because she and Ruby agreed not to tell anyone about the baby until there was a baby to announce, and secondly because she doesn't think she could stop herself telling Hook just how conflicted she feels about this whole thing. Ruby is _getting pregnant _less than half a mile away from where she's sitting right now and the wall of denial she's built so far is crumbling under the enormity of that one idea and now she can't hold back the thought she's been fighting ever since she made her choice.

_I don't want to do this._


	6. Chapter 6

The pregnancy test sits in the bathroom cabinet for two weeks after the visit to the clinic. The day finally comes and Emma stands outside while Ruby takes the longest fucking pee in the history of time and space. Finally she hears the flush and Ruby comes out of the bathroom, holding the test and looking more terrified than Emma has ever seen. Her own fears and doubts immediately get shoved aside as she wraps her arms around her wife and the two of them stand together in the bathroom doorway, clinging to one another.

"It's okay," Emma soothes, "no matter what it says, we'll be okay."

Ruby slumps on the couch, trying not to show her nerves and stares at the wall as the seconds tick away. Emma knows her well enough to see the hurt behind her blank expression and for the first time Emma genuinely hopes the test is positive, if only to put a smile on Ruby's face.

They stay like that, just breathing together, until Ruby's phone chimes the end of the countdown. Emma lets her go and they look at each other for a long moment before Ruby takes a deep breath and looks at the test.

A roaring sound fills her ears and her vision kaleidoscopes down until the tiny screen fills her sight.

"Ruby," she says thickly, and her face must be doing something crazy because Ruby jumps up, concerned. She holds out the test wordlessly, feeling dizzy. Ruby stares at it for a long moment before taking it from her and reading the result.

She looks back up. The only other time Emma has seen her look so completely dumbfounded was when Emma kissed her for the first time and she smiles in reflex at the memory.

"I'm pregnant?" Ruby whispers.

"You're pregnant," Emma confirms. She expects yelling and jumping and crying, but instead Ruby just keeps on staring at her, looking completely astonished. Emma is swaying slightly and the edges of her vision are fading to grey, so she leads them both over to the couch before they fall over.

She doesn't know how long they sit there, holding hands, staring vacantly. Finally, Ruby starts as though waking from a dream.

"Emma, we can't tell anyone."

"Okay," Emma responds. Her mind is still totally blank.

"I'm serious. Not Robin, not Hook, not your mom, nobody. Not yet."

"Whatever you want, Ruby," she says distantly.

Ruby's hand is hovering over her stomach as though she's afraid to touch it.

"Emma, we're going to be parents!"

That's when everything goes black.

She's pretty sure Ruby is never going to let her live this down. She can't believe she actually passed out. Ruby laughs harder than Emma thinks is appropriate and Emma grumbles under her breath in response.

"Why aren't we telling anyone?" Emma asks in an effort to change the subject and Ruby sobers a little, but the sparkle stays in her eyes.

"The books say the first trimester is the riskiest. I just want to make sure I'm going to stay pregnant before we tell people."

"Isn't it going to be a little obvious when you stop getting drunk every week?"

Ruby waves a dismissive hand.

"I can fake that, babe. They'll understand once we announce it." Emma wants to argue with that but honestly, she's probably right.

Over the next few weeks Emma starts to realize the enormity of what's happening. At first nothing really changes. Ruby doesn't get sick, which Emma is grateful for, because she thinks seeing Ruby suffer would make her outright resent the whole thing. As the weeks start to pass though, Ruby collects more books on pregnancy and makes Emma read them with her like they're cramming for finals. At first Ruby wants her to give up alcohol and caffeine too until Emma points out that while people might believe Ruby is on some kind of detox, nobody would believe for a second that Emma had given up strong coffee voluntarily.

Eventually the date of the first ultrasound rolls around and they climb into the car.

"Hey there kiddo," Ruby says to her belly, "we get to meet you today. You excited?"

She looks up at Emma, smiling happily and Emma manages to smile back.

Emma hates the clinic. She knows it's probably some kind of transference but she loathes every inch of it. Ruby's hand is warm in hers as she lies on the bed and soon the doctor is spreading the jelly over Ruby's stomach and pointing out a tiny grey dot in a sea of grey static.

"That's our baby?" Ruby asks, sounding completely awed.

"That's your baby," the doctor confirms. "Everything looks normal from what I can see. Do you want a picture?"

"Yeah!" Ruby says happily and the doctor leaves to get the printout.

Emma smiles and looks at the screen, trying to feel some kind of connection, to feel some of the joy that is pouring out of Ruby like sunlight. She looks from the blurry image to Ruby's stomach and tries to imagine the tiny human growing inside it but all she can think, all she's been able to think for months, is that this is not the life she wanted.

She loves Ruby, though, and so long as she keeps focusing on that she can get through this, so she leans over and kisses her. The doctor returns and hands Emma the photo and she smiles, aware that Ruby is watching.

By chance, the three month mark of the pregnancy falls at roughly the same time as their first wedding anniversary, so getting everyone together is easy. They throw a huge party and invite everybody they can think of. The party has been going for over an hour before the last of the guests turn up and once everyone has arrived they stand together and get everyone's attention.

"Robin, shut that off, will you?" Ruby yells, gesturing to the stereo. He obliges and Ruby smiles. She raises a champagne glass filled with water and toasts Emma.

"To my beautiful wife," she says, "this has been the best year of my life. Here's to a hundred more."

"Ruby, you can't toast with water, it's bad luck!" Hook yells with his panty-dropping accent, and Ruby shares a private smile with Emma before taking the opening.

"It would be worse luck if I didn't, Hook. Guys, this isn't just an anniversary party. Emma and I have news."

Ruby's hand unconsciously goes to her stomach and Emma sees Hook's jaw drop.

"No FUCKING way!"

Ruby laughs and nods.

"Guys, I'm three months pregnant."

The room explodes. Emma keeps a smile on her face as she's pounced on by what feels like the whole room. People are hugging and laughing and congratulating her left and right and she doesn't understand why she can't feel the way _everybody_ else seems to about this whole thing. She smiles and laughs and tries to ignore the hollow feeling in her chest.

"You little fucker!" Hook bellows, pulling them both into a bear hug. "Why am I just hearing this now?"

"We didn't tell anyone, besides Henry," Ruby reassures him, "We were waiting to make sure the first trimester went okay."

Hook shakes his head but accepts their reasoning. "Do you have a picture?"

Ruby pulls the sonogram from her wallet and soon it's being passed around the room.

The party gets back on track after that and it's almost three am before they wave goodbye to the last guest. Ruby closes the door and leans on it, surveying the damage.

"This place is wrecked!" She exclaims.

"Yeah. I booked a cleaning service for tomorrow morning so we don't have to deal with it," Emma says as she steers Ruby into the bedroom. As Ruby strips Emma watches her, wondering when the soft plane of her stomach will start to swell. Ruby catches her staring and smiles.

"What are you hoping for? Girl or boy?" She asks.

Emma shrugs. "I don't care," she says.

"As long as it's healthy, right?" Ruby smiles sleepily.

"Yeah," Emma agrees, too tired to feign much enthusiasm. They climb into bed and Emma curls around Ruby, pressing a loving kiss to the back of her neck. Ruby reaches back, takes Emma's hand and guides it to her belly. She hums contentedly as Emma's hand covers Ruby's womb and tangles their fingers together.

"Goodnight, Emma," she mumbles, already half asleep.

"Night, beautiful," Emma says and waits until she's sure Ruby has drifted off before moving her hand away.

After the party they're showered with gifts and congratulations and Emma's heart sinks a little further every time she looks at the baby stuff that is slowly taking over their home. The final straw comes when Ruby finally starts showing and Emma can hardly look her in the eye, never mind acknowledge the growing curve of her belly. She knows she can't keep going like this anymore, so she does the only thing she can think of.

"Hey babe?"

"Yeah?" Ruby says.

"I just wanted to give you a heads-up, I'm going to Dr. Hoppers' tomorrow."

Ruby's gaze focuses in on her.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Emma says, trying to sound casual, "I just want to make sure I don't freak out at the whole 'being a mom' thing. I'm following your example, Little Miss Self Help!"

Ruby scrutinizes her closely for a minute and smiles.

"I am all about being mentally balanced!" She agrees cheerfully before sobering slightly. "You know you can talk to me, too, right?" she asks, and Emma hears the slight hurt in her voice.

Emma hugs her, all too aware of the slight bump between them.

"I know, beautiful, but you're the pregnant one. My job is to pamper you and fulfill your every whim, not get all weird and awkward at you."

Ruby grins. "I am enjoying the pampering," she admits.

Emma isn't sure she's actually going to go through with this. She thinks about cancelling the whole morning and it's a genuine surprise when she finds herself shaking hands with the therapist, and sitting down. She talks in a low monotone and refuses to make eye contact. She talks about their history together and their wedding and when she can't avoid it any more, she talks about the baby. She's never said the words out loud before and somehow she feels like she's betraying Ruby by acknowledging these feelings.

"I couldn't bear the thought of Ruby being unhappy because of me, so I said yes and now she's pregnant and I just feel like my entire life is falling apart around me, and I can't talk to Ruby about it because what would I say? 'Hey Ruby, this whole baby thing is a fucking nightmare and I wish I'd never said yes!' I just…I feel so trapped."

"You could leave," Dr. Hopper observes neutrally and Emma's heads shoots up as she pins him in a death glare. She takes a breath before she speaks but it doesn't abate the anger. She's been bottling it up for so long that it feels good to finally have a target.

"I would never do that."

"Why not?" Emma knows he is probably trying to provoke a response from her but she can't stop the fury that erupts.

"Because Ruby is my wife! I love her and I am _never_ going to leave her!"

"Then you have to deal with this child," he says calmly.

"I know that!" Emma is all but yelling now.

"So what do you want from therapy, Emma?"

Her answer comes instantly.

"_I want to learn to love my kid!_"

There's a moment's silence. Emma stares at him in shock.

"Did you know you were going to say that?"

Emma shakes her head.

"Did you mean it?"

Emma opens and closes her mouth a couple of times before a slow smile spread across her face.

"I did," she says. "I really did."


	7. Chapter 7

Things change slowly, far more slowly than Emma would like. She's trying to let go of her unease and fear around being a parent, but it's hard work. She goes to therapy twice a week and by the time week twenty of the pregnancy rolls around, she's making real progress.

Emma really thought she'd feel it when they found out, but sitting in the clinic that she doesn't hate any more, looking at the slightly blurry image of their _daughter, _Emma doesn't feel any different. Tears are tracking down Ruby's face as she gazes at the screen but Emma feels exactly the same as she did five minutes ago.

"A girl," Ruby says, "we're having a girl."

Emma smiles. She supposes she should at least be proud of the fact that she's pleased by the news, but she really had believed that finding out the gender would make her feel more like this kid's mom. She kisses Ruby's head and squeezes her hand and tries not to let the disappointment get to her.

"I should text Hook," she murmurs, "he'll be going crazy by now."

Ruby doesn't stop looking at the sonogram the whole way home and as soon as they arrive it goes into the frame that Emma had bought specially, hoping to commemorate the moment she felt like a parent. She turns to Ruby.

"You owe me twenty bucks, babe."

Ruby laughs and fishes a banknote from her wallet, handing it over easily.

"I've never cared less about losing a bet!" She says.

Emma's disappointment builds over the week following the scan until she wonders if she's starting to regret the whole thing again. She mentions it to Dr. Hopper, who just reminds her that it might take time, but Emma is starting to worry.

Nine days after the scan, Emma wakes up at half three in the morning and gets up to pee. She pads back into the bedroom, and slides back into bed. Ruby doesn't quite wake but she does grab Emma's hand and move it to cover her swollen belly. Emma kisses the back of her head gently and closes her eyes, and she's just about to drift off when she feels movement under her hand.

Her eyes snap open. Ruby sighs softly and Emma holds her breath for almost a full minute, wondering if she imagined it. Finally Emma exhales and closes her eyes again, shaking her head. She rubs Ruby's belly softly.

"I thought you were saying hello, kiddo," she murmurs into Ruby's hair.

She feels it again and this time she knows it's real. The baby kicks against her hand and Ruby moans slightly but doesn't wake up. Emma's heart starts pounding in her chest and she maneuvers herself down the bed slowly so as not to wake her wife. It's selfish, she knows, but for some reason she wants this moment to herself. Eventually she's at eye level with Ruby's navel, both hands on Ruby's bump.

"Hey little one," she says, "are you awake in there?"

She waits for a few seconds and – yes.

Her daughter is kicking for the first time, and just like that, Emma Swan is somebody's mom.

She laughs softly, overwhelmed by the love pouring through her.

"Ruby! Ruby, wake up!"

Ruby opens one bleary eye and pushes her hair out of her face.

"What are you doing?" She asks and before Emma can answer she feels the movement under her hands again. Ruby gasps.

"She's kicking!"

Ruby's eyes are wider than Emma has ever seen as she covers Emma's hands with her own.

"That is the weirdest sensation…"

Emma laughs and presses a tender kiss to Ruby's stomach.

"What about Dorothy?"

Emma just looks at her.

"What?" Ruby says, "that's adorable!"

Hook scoffs. "Ruby, if you name my niece Dorothy I'm filing custody papers on your ass."

"Okay, what about Naomi or Theresa? Or fuck, why not Hook-ette?"

"Ruby, we can't name her after someone we know. She'll end up with more names than Dumbledore!" Emma says.

Ruby looks at her.

"Did you just make a Harry Potter reference?"

"Um, yeah?" She says, browsing a baby name website idly.

"That is so fucking hot," Ruby's voice drops noticeably and Hook clears his throat.

"Still in the room, guys. Ruby, save the horny pregnant lady stuff for when I'm not, okay?"

Emma laughs, but makes a note to explore this new geeky reference turn-on Ruby's developed.

A name catches her eye and it seems appropriate after everything she's been through.

"What about Amy?" She suggests. "It means 'beloved'."

Ruby looks at her and for a moment it's just the two of them in perfect sync.

"Amy." Ruby says, tasting the sound of it.

"I like it," Hook declares.

Ruby nods and Emma puts the laptop aside and kneels in front of Ruby. Ever since she started kicking, Emma can't stop talking to her daughter.

"Hi Amy," she says softly, feeling Ruby's fingers comb lovingly through her hair.

"I'm your mom."

It doesn't stop being scary. In fact, now that Emma is invested in this pregnancy it's more overwhelming than ever. She finds herself constantly thinking about baby-proofing, about which books they'll use to teach her to read, about college funds, and by the time Ruby is in her eighth month Emma just wants to wrap her in bubble wrap and have her carried everywhere on a sedan chair. She wakes up every morning curled protectively around her wife, with their tangled fingers resting over Amy.

Emma is grateful that Ruby is a deep sleeper. She's developed the habit of waking just before dawn and talking to her daughter while Ruby is still dead to the world.

"Hey Amy," she murmurs, stroking Ruby's stomach as the sky slowly turns from purple to red.

"It's your mom again. The cool one, not the dorky one. How you doing in there?"

She half expects Amy to kick in response and laughs a little.

"Okay, the slightly less dorky mom. You're getting so big, kiddo! Your mom keeps complaining that you're making her feel like a walrus, but don't listen. She's beautiful and she loves you like crazy. We both do."

Emma glances up at the window as the first soft beams of morning light creep through.

"Do you see that? Your mom told me something once and I can't think of a better promise to make to you. Every day the sun rises, Amy, is a day I will love you. I promise."

Amy does kick, then, and Emma laughs as Ruby grunts and frowns in response.

"If you're half as adorable as your mom, we are in so much trouble," she observes.

Three weeks from Ruby's due date they start putting furniture together. Hook comes over and the two of them install Ruby in the easy chair to 'supervise' while they try and figure out the instructions.

"Where's the screwdriver?" Emma asks, holding two pieces together with one hand. Ruby kicks it over and Emma attempts to screw the pieces together.

"Shit," she says.

"This is like trying to reading fucking hieroglyphics!" Hook exclaims.

"Guys!" Ruby scolds, covering her belly protectively, "Did you not read that article I sent you? Amy can hear you swearing!"

"Sorry babe," Emma says distractedly. "This screwdriver is the wrong size. Where's your toolkit?"

"In the closet, the top shelf on the left," Ruby replies and Emma goes to find it.

"Ruby, it's not here!" She yells, and hears Ruby groan in response. After a moment Ruby appears in the doorway.

"I said left, Emma," she says sarcastically and reaches up to grab the heavy box. Emma grabs her wrist.

"Nope! Pregnant ladies do not lift things. Go sit back down."

"I'm not an invalid, Emma," Ruby grumbles.

"No, you're carrying precious cargo. Now sit your adorable ass down!"

Ruby screws up her face in an effort not to smile and Emma leans down and kisses her, stroking her belly softly.

"You two better not be making out in there!" Hook yells from the other room and Ruby giggles into the kiss.

"You look beautiful today," Emma says conversationally, "the sexiest pregnant walrus I've ever seen."

Ruby smacks her even as she keeps giggling.

Between finally putting the crib together and Hook taking them out to dinner to celebrate, Ruby misses her afternoon nap and by early evening she is completely exhausted. Emma is feeling it too after hauling furniture around all afternoon so they give in and go bed around nine.

"We're old and boring," Emma jokes.

"Nope, we're just parents," Ruby replies sleepily, and Emma will never get over how good that feels now. She gathers Ruby up in her arms and kisses her shoulder.

"I love you so fucking much," she whispers quietly and Ruby tuts at her.

"What did I tell you about swearing around the baby?"

"Says the woman who curses like a sailor every time we have sex!"

Ruby laughs self-consciously. "I think we can agree that's your fault, too."

"Probably," Emma agrees, yawning. "Sweet dreams, babe."

"Night, Emma."

She wakes to the sound of silence. When she opens her eyes it's still pitch dark and the alarm clock on the bedside table is glowing 2:54 am.

Rubbing her eyes, wondering why she woke up, she shifts closer to Ruby and her leg lands in a cool wetness. Still barely awake, she rolls over and switches on the lamp, wincing as the light hits her eyes. She turns back to Ruby and pulls the cover aside.

_Red._


	8. Chapter 8

Seconds tick away as Emma's brain fails to comprehend what she's seeing until finally she looks up at Ruby's face. She's paler than Emma has ever seen and sweat is standing out on her brow.

"Ruby?" Emma asks stupidly.

Finally, her brain kicks into gear. She grabs her phone and dials 911.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"I just woke up and my wife is unconscious, there's blood everywhere!"

"Can you see the source of the bleeding?"

"She's pregnant!" Emma yells.

"Is the bleeding vaginal?" The operator asks.

"Yes!"

"What's your address?"

After that everything goes blank for a while. All she can see is the dark stain that has spread from under Ruby's hips and the shallow, laboured rise and fall of her chest. After an eternity of waiting, she hears the paramedics pound on the door and rushes to let them in.

In the ambulance she tries to hold Ruby's hand but the paramedic needs the room to work, so all she can do is sit in the corner and answer questions about allergies and medications and due dates and blood types until finally they reach the hospital.

Ruby is whisked away from her and she stares at the doors as they swing shut, feeling cold all over.

"Miss Swan?"

She turns.

"They're taking your wife straight to surgery," the nurse tells her. "Can I get you some scrubs to wear?"

Emma looks down and realizes for the first time, that she's still in her pajamas. The legs of her light gray sweatpants are soaked in blood from thigh to knee and suddenly she can't bear to have them touching her skin.

"Yes please," she says, trying to breathe normally.

After an hour of waiting it finally occurs to her to call Hook.

"It's four in the morning, Emma, what the fuck do you want?" Hook's voice is blurry from sleep.

"Can you go pick up Henry please?" Emma can hear the robotic monotone in her voice.

"What? Emma, are you okay?"

"I'm at the hospital, can you please go get Henry? I need him here."

"Emma, what the fuck, what's going on?"

As she opens her mouth to answer, a doctor comes over and flags her down.

"I've got to go, Hook. We're at Cedars-Sinai."

She hangs up on Hook's protesting voice.

"Miss Swan?" The surgeon asks.

"Yeah?"

She doesn't quite follow what he says next, but words like 'abruption' and 'hemorrhage' and 'caesarean' dance around her head, taunting her, and suddenly she's being presented with a clipboard and asked to sign on the dotted line.

"I'm sorry, what?" She asks.

"We need your consent for the hysterectomy. It's the safest option at this point."

Emma signs her name without reading the form.

"Your daughter is being treated in the NICU," the surgeon says, "but she's doing okay. You should be able to see her soon."

Emma nods dumbly. Her phone is vibrating in her pocket but she ignores it in favor of watching the surgeon stride back through the double doors.

Hook shows up half an hour later, pale and shaky. He strides over to Emma, who is staring blankly at the wall.

"Emma?"

Emma looks at him, emotionless.

"Henry is at Regina's. I saw the blood…what happened?"

Emma feels like her voice is coming from a long way off as she answers.

"Something went wrong. Ruby was bleeding when I woke up. They did a caesarean but the bleeding wouldn't stop, so now they're doing a hysterectomy."

Hook's hand flies to her mouth.

"Is Amy okay?"

"They said she is," Emma says, "I should be able to see her soon."

"But they're both alive?" Hook asks unsure, due to the extremely large amount of blood he saw, seeping into the mattress.

"Yeah," Emma replies, and slowly realizes what she said. "They're both alive."

It gets fractionally easier to breathe after that. Hook sits down next to her and takes her hand and the two of them wait together for what feels like forever until finally a nurse comes out and tells Emma she can see Amy. When Hook stands too, the nurse apologizes.

"I'm sorry, it's family only for the moment."

Hook nods. "Do you want me to start calling people?"

Emma nods distractedly and follows the nurse.

Amy is tiny. Ruby's bump had seemed huge in comparison to this tiny, tiny human in front of her.

"She's doing great," the doctor says, "we don't think the abruption did any damage to her at all. She's a little underweight so we want to keep her here for a couple of days, just for observation, but so far you have a healthy baby girl."

"Can I hold her?" Emma asks. The doctor smiles.

"Go ahead, mom."

Emma reaches down and carefully picks up her daughter. Amy opens one eye and sticks her tongue out a little as Emma sits in the armchair next to the incubator and settles her in the crook of her arm.

Her arms wave in the air and Emma catches one hand, smiling as Amy grabs onto her finger. She strokes the back of her tiny hand gently and feels herself start to cry.

"Hi Amy," she whispers. "I'm here. Everything's going to be okay."

It's almost ten am before they let her see Ruby. Hook took her phone hours ago and is fielding calls like a champ and Emma takes a moment to be grateful for how well Hook can keep his shit together in a crisis.

She almost can't bear to walk into the room but finally she forces herself through the door to where Ruby is lying.

She's still unconscious. Emma is so used to Ruby being pregnant that it feels unnatural to see the sheets lying mostly flat over her midsection. There's a little more color in her cheeks, but there are deep shadows under her eyes and she's still far too pale in contrast to her dark brown locks, splayed across the stiff hospital pillow.

The surgeon talks her through Ruby's condition and Emma tries to pay attention, but when he starts talking about oxygen deprivation and potential brain damage, Emma cuts him off.

"Is she going to wake up?"

He looks at her sympathetically.

"We're not sure."


	9. Chapter 9 - Happy Ending

Emma splits her time between Amy and Ruby. Hook brings her spare clothes and answers her phone and books hotels for her and Ruby's family, and by day three she's almost used to the routine. She sits with Ruby for most of the morning, talking and reading to her, then she grabs a quick lunch in the cafeteria and heads for the NICU.

"Hey baby," she soothes as she lifts Amy into her arms, "today is your last day here. That means I can take you to meet your mom tomorrow. You give her an earful of those lungs of yours and I bet she'll wake up in no time."

As though in response, Amy starts to cry. Emma settles into the chair, accepts a bottle from the nurse and watches, captivated, as Amy feeds vigorously.

She sits quietly holding her daughter for a while until she feels her eyelids start to droop, and then she carefully puts Amy back into the incubator and leans back in the chair for a nap.

"Miss Swan?"

She starts awake and looks at the clock. She was asleep for forty minutes. Automatically she checks on Amy and then turns her attention to the voice that woke her.

Ruby's surgeon smiles at her.

"Your wife is awake. She's asking for you."

Emma stares at him, uncomprehending, for a moment, before a brilliant smile blooms on her face. She stands up and starts for the door, before stopping.

"Can I bring Amy?" She asks.

"Sure!" The surgeon laughs.

Emma picks up her daughter carefully and they head for Ruby's room. The surgeon holds the door open for them and Emma steps inside.

Ruby smiles tiredly at her. Her brown eyes are dull and sunken in their sockets, but they're open.

"Hey baby," she croaks, and Emma chokes back a sob.

"And hey, baby," Ruby jokes, looking at Amy.

"You asshole," Emma scolds through her tears, "you scared the shit out of me!"

Ruby stays in hospital for another week before Snow drives them all home. When they arrive, Hook and Henry are waiting inside.

"Hey Ruby!" Henry says, hugging her carefully.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he whispers in her ear.

"Me too," Ruby says, hugging him back.

Emma heads for the bedroom to dump their bags, taking a deep breath as she prepares for the sight of the bloodstained mattress. It's not there. The frame is empty and there's a brand new mattress, still in plastic, leaning against the far wall. Hook must have replaced it.

She laughs in sheer relief and heads back out into the kitchen in time to Snow hand Amy over to Henry.

"Hey Amy," he says cheerfully, "I'm your brother, Henry!"

Emma walks over to Hook and hugs him, awkwardly patting his back as well.

"Thank you," she says fiercely.

"No problem," Hook replies.

Ruby takes Amy back from Henry, cradling her carefully, and looks over at her and Hook.

Ruby sits down gingerly and Emma joins her, wrapping one arm protectively around her shoulders as they both gaze down as Amy, smiling at her expression of vague constipation.

It's dark by the time they kick everybody out. Emma makes Ruby a smoothie since she can't take her pain meds on an empty stomach, and then puts Amy down in her crib. Ruby's face is showing her exhaustion, so they call it a night and climb into bed. Ruby falls asleep almost instantly, but Emma lies awake, listening to her and Amy breathe. By the time 2 am rolls around she knows she should sleep, but the last time she went to sleep in this room she woke up covered in Ruby's blood, and even though she knows it's ridiculous, she's too scared to do it again.

Amy wakes up around four and Emma takes her out into the kitchen so she won't wake Ruby as she makes up a bottle for her. She carries Amy out onto the deck and feeds her as the sky turns orange-gold. Emma holds her daughter and watches the sunrise spill red over the horizon, feeling the exhaustion of the last couple of weeks roll over her.

"Hey," Ruby's voice, scratchy with sleep, comes from the door. Ruby joins them, sitting next to Emma and stroking Amy's leg gently.

"Hey," Emma replies.

"Couldn't sleep?"

Emma looks at Ruby. Her face is pink and healthy in the morning light, and her eyes have their familiar sparkle again, and Emma feels something inside her knit back together.

"I love you," she whispers. Ruby smiles at her, and whispers it back, and then they sit together in peaceful silence, watching the sun rise with their daughter.

Emma smiles as Amy steps up to the podium, practically vibrating with excitement. She makes sure the camera is recording and then focuses on her daughter as she gives her valedictory speech. At eighteen, Amy looks so much like Ruby that they get mistaken for sisters sometimes, but her mannerisms, or un-mannerisms, are all Emma.

After the speech Amy bounces over to them all, grinning widely.

"That was awesome, kiddo!" Ruby tells her and Amy wriggles with joy.

Emma steps forward and hugs Amy tightly.

"We're _so_ proud of you, kid," she says, as Ruby nods and hugs her from the other side.

The rest of the family joins in the hug and Amy laughs as Granny and Snow mess up her carefully styled hair.

"Guys, stop! My friends can see me!" Amy protests.

"Amy, we got you something," Ruby says as they release her, sharing a smile with Emma. Amy bounces excitedly as Ruby hands over a small, wrapped gift, and then tears the wrapping paper off impatiently.

The box has the words _Tiffany &amp; Co _stamped on the top and Amy glances up them, jaw dropped. Emma slides her hand into Ruby's as they watch her open it and gently lift out the silver locket.

Amy stares at it for a moment before carefully opening it and Emma sees tears spring to her eyes as she looks the photo inside. They'd debated for weeks on which one to use. Ruby had argued for the photo of the sunrise from their honeymoon, because Amy had always loved it, but eventually they had settled on the photo her mom had taken of the three of them and Henry, the day they got back from the hospital.

"Thanks, guys," Amy says in a choked up voice.

"Turn it over," Ruby instructs gently as Emma clears her throat, trying not to let her emotions overwhelm her. Snow is already crying and David is hugging Henry unconsciously.

Amy flips the locket. Unlike the photo, Emma and Ruby had known instantly what they wanted to use for the inscription, and Emma strokes her wedding ring as Amy's eyes widen in recognition.

_a sun will always sing for you_


	10. Chapter 10 - Sad Ending

18 ½ years later…

Amy Lucas-Swan holds tightly to the sides of her seat as the plane starts descending. She hates flying and she can't help but add 'making her get on a plane' to the number of things she plans to yell at her mother for. She makes her way through customs and out of the airport before she turns her phone on. She has 14 messages from Hook. She hopes he stops being mad at her by the time she comes home.

They've known where Emma is for four years. Hook's brother's previous wife works for the State Department and risked his job to find out which embassy she'd renewed her passport at. Neal didn't want to know and Amy understood that he was still mad at his sister for leaving, but she has a right to know where her mom is. Neal had disagreed and the resulting fight lasted nearly six months.

Well fuck him. She's 18 now and she's worked all summer for the last three years to save up for this trip. Neal tried to forbid her from going but this time she didn't need his permission. She got a passport and a plane ticket and when her dad pointed out that London was a big place, Hook had sheepishly produced an address. He'd hired a private detective in London to track Emma down and when Neal had started yelling Hook had just said "Neal, you knew this day was coming. This way is safer than letting an angry teenager storm around London on her own."

She shakes her head to clear it as the train pulls into her station. It's raining hard outside and she pulls up the hood on her faded Old Navy sweater. There's a line of taxis outside the station and she jumps into one and gives the address.

She's shivering, and she's pretty sure it's not from the cold. She's heard about Emma Swan her whole life and now she's moments away from finally meeting the woman who ran rather than raise her. For a long time she blamed herself. If her mom hadn't died giving birth to her, none of this would have happened. That thought hurts, though, so for the last few years she's chosen to be angry instead.

She catches sight of her reflection in the cab window. The black dye in her hair is growing out but her natural color is dark enough that you can't really tell. Her nose stud flashes in the raindrops scattered over the window and her habitual scowl peers back at her.

She looks kind of like Emma when she scowls and that makes her even more pissed off.

The taxi pulls up at the end of the street and she passes the guy some of the weird multi-coloured bills they use here. She gets back some even weirder coins and mutters reluctant thanks.

She checks the door number written on her hand, hoists her backpack onto her shoulder and stomps up the street.

It's a nice house. A little small, but the front yard is neat and there is purple hyacinth growing in the borders. Hyacinths are her favorite flower. She starts to feel a little unsure of herself, but she's come this far.

She strides up the path to the front door and raises a hand to ring the bell, but thinks better of it and hammers on the door, ready to start yelling as soon as it opens.

The door swings open. Amy opens her mouth-

"May I help you?"

It's some middle-aged dude in a sweater vest. Amy just stands there, mouth hanging open. Of all the ways she imagined this going, this was not one of them.

"Um, hi," she manages, "I'm looking for Emma Swan."

The guy is staring at her like she grew another head.

"You're Amy," he says, sounding amazed, and she immediately takes a step back.

"How the fuck do you know my name?"

He laughs incredulously. "You look exactly like your mother."

Amy knows for a fact that apart from her natural hair and her frown, she looks nothing like Emma, which means…

"You knew my mom? I mean, Ruby?"

He shakes his head. "I never met her, but I know her face very well. Emma will be home soon. Would you like to come in and have some tea?"

Suddenly this feels very real. Her instinct is to run, but she refuses to be that hypocritical, so she nods and follows him into the house.

"I'm James," he says, offering his hand.

"Amy," she shakes his hand and he smiles at her. She perches on the edge of an easy chair as he goes through to the kitchen and starts pulling out mugs and boiling water. After a few minutes he comes back and hands her a mug of tea.

They smile at each other awkwardly for a moment.

"Um, dude, I don't mean to be rude, but who are you?"

He laughs again, self-consciously.

"Sorry, I should have said. I'm Emma's boy friend," he says.

Amy's breath leaves her like she's been punched. Her whole life she's heard about the epic love her moms had for each other and how when Ruby died it completely destroyed Emma to the point she couldn't even be a mom anymore and yet she's clearly over it enough to shack up with some British guy. James must see some of the turmoil on her face because he waves his hands anxiously.

"I'm sorry, I believe you must have misunderstood. I'm her friend that is a boy. Amy, you mustn't think Emma has forgotten about Ruby, or you. Please, just…I'm not the right person to explain this, it isn't my place."

He looks conflicted for a moment and then turns towards the door on the far side of the room.

"Let me show you something."

He opens the door and leads her through a corridor and up some stairs until they're standing in front of another door, this one with a keyhole. He reaches up and pulls a key from on top of the frame and unlocks it, before gesturing for her to enter.

The first this she sees when she enters is the sunrise. One entire wall has been painted to show the sun coming up over the sea and Amy recognizes the scene instantly. She has a photo on her bedroom wall that her mom took on their honeymoon that shows exactly the same view. She's always felt a connection to it and seeing it large-scale like this, she starts to tear up without really knowing why.

"Emma and I have only known each other quite a few years," James says quietly, "but I feel like I've known her much longer. When she first came to London she and I shared a house with two other friends. She was broken back then and none of us knew why. She wouldn't talk about herself, her life, at all, but we could all see she was in real pain."

Amy clenches her fists and takes several deep breaths. James keeps talking, his tone sympathetic.

"We knew she was married because she wears a ring and we figured out pretty quickly that she'd been widowed, but I didn't hear Ruby's name or find out about you until she'd been here almost five years."

Amy finally looks away from the mural, only to see the other walls are covered in photos. She recognizes some of them, including the photo of her moms and her brother Henry at Henry's promotion from middle school, but some of them are new. She walks up to one and bites her lip, hard.

Her moms are sitting on the couch in their house, the one she owns, now that she's 18. Ruby is pregnant with her. Emma has both hands on Ruby's stomach and is looking at her wife with absolute love and devotion, and at their feet sits Henry, looking up at them with a dumb grin. For some reason, the sight of Henry is what finally breaks her resolve not to cry. Henry had moved out, and been gone for eight years now, but she still misses that stupid brother every day.

After a couple of minutes she pulls herself together.

"Why did she leave?" She asks James. "Did she ever tell you?"

He hesitates.

"Yes," he admits, "she told me. Something happened a couple of weeks after Ruby died, but… look, it _really_ isn't my place to say. I'm sorry."

She shakes her head. She's starting to feel like the walls are closing in on her. Maybe Neal was right, maybe this was a bad idea. She's beginning to realize that the ideas she's held about her parents for so long don't exactly match reality.

"I need to get out of here," she mumbles, and pushes past James. She goes back down the stairs and heads for the front door when she hears the key turn in the lock.

She freezes as the door opens and Emma backs into the room, shaking her umbrella off outside the door.

"James?" She calls over her shoulder and Amy has heard that voice in home-videos her whole life, but hearing it person makes her gasp.

Emma turns and looks at her.

Amy knows she has her mom's eyes, she's always liked the electric green color, but right now she wishes she didn't, because as soon as their eyes meet Emma turns white.

She doesn't look like a woman whose about to turn fifty, Amy notices with weird detachment. Her hair is darker than it is in Amy's photos and her skin is paler, probably from living in a country where the sun only shines on special occasions, but otherwise age doesn't seem to have touched her all that much.

"Hi," Amy says. James comes into the room behind her.

"Amy's here," he points out needlessly. There's a long moment of silence and he shuffles uncomfortably.

"I'll go and make some more tea," he says and goes into the kitchen.

Emma stares at her for a long time before speaking.

"You look just like Ruby." There's wonder in her tone

"I know," Amy says awkwardly.

"Why are you here?" Emma asks timidly.

"Why did you leave?" Amy retorts automatically and winces.

Emma looks down and doesn't answer for a long moment.

"I didn't… I wasn't fit to be a parent."

"Your boy-toy said something happened, that it wasn't his place to tell me."

"He's not my _boy-toy_," Emma says and Amy's gaze flicks to the gold ring on her left hand. She's wearing an identical ring on a chain around her neck and suddenly it feels hot against her skin.

"Will you tell me? Please?" Her voice cracks on the last word and Emma takes an automatic step towards her before stopping herself.

"Okay. Okay. Let's sit down."

They sit on opposite sides of the room. Emma takes a deep breath and starts to talk.

It takes less than fifteen minutes. Amy is amazed she isn't screaming by the end. Neal was right, she wasn't ready for this.

When Emma finishes talking she looks at Amy, half ashamed and half hopeful.

"I'm so sorry, Amy," she says, "I've wanted to reach out to you for such a long time, I just didn't think I had the right. But you're here, and there's so much I want to ask you-"

Amy stands abruptly.

"I've got to go. This was a bad idea."

Devastation flashes across Emma's expression, just for a moment, before it's hidden.

"Okay." She says quietly and Amy kind of hates her for giving up so easily. She grabs her backpack and opens the front door.

"It was so good to see you," her mom says in a small voice. Amy chokes back a sob and slams the door behind her.


End file.
